Unbelief

I've had such a growth spurt in the last 2 months. It's taken a while but I've had a complete revelation on healing, Lily, life, faith, belief, gospel - my world and thoughts have dramatically changed.

I know I haven't blogged in a while - I guess I just didn't know how to formulate into words what's racing round in my brain. But I'm going to give it a shot now.
Some of you might call me crazy - might even call the men in white coats - but hey - I'm living the dream.

I've been looking back over the last 2 years and trying to figure out this whole Lily and cystic fibrosis saga. I know now what my coping mechanism was. It was to ignore it. I didn't go crazy, I didn't get hysterical - I simply chose to ignore it. We prayed for healing - it didn't happen, and I know that I stopped asking. There was something in me that didn't want this affecting my view of who God was and is. He is our healer - but hadn't healed Lily. You can do a few things with that, throw the head up with God, crawl into a hole, be hysterical and overwhelmed - or just refuse to let anything bother you. If she's healed, great, if she's not great.
I stopped worrying about it - knowing that yes God was in control, but I didn't want the questions of 'why isn't this healing happening' getting in the way.

I've been so apathetic with this! My daughter with her life threatening condition - and I'd just accepted it. She looks good and to be honest we'd got so used to 'managing' it, that it was second nature.
Josies arrival has definitely made a difference. I've a completely healthy girl there - and if this did anything, it highlighted how much we actually have to do with Lily.
A few visits to CF websites had me totally scared that I would outlive my daughter and the harsh reality sunk in that this was serious. The drugs where masking it and doing a great job - but this needs to be dealt with. I don't want it anymore.

This has lead to me chasing after healing. I've been reading like there's no tomorrow and in many ways it's been sprinting after it.
The biggest revelation I guess I've had is that God did not make Lily sick. We're not a special couple who have been blessed with a sick child. God indirectly will teach us something because of this but did not cause it to teach us something - and the big part - God definitely wants Lily well.

I know this sounds really basic - but Jesus bore our sin and sickness on the cross. We have no doubt whatsoever in believing that our sins are gone, but our sickness??? Why do we find it so hard to believe.
The sin part is easy - or is it? We can't see if it's been dealt with. We have no way of proving it. But yet for many of us - we totally believe that Jesus has dealt with it. Our sickness on the other hand is a totally different story. This is the part that involves a physical sign.

Believe and you will receive..... what a simple phrase, but yet it's so flippin hard.

Lily's healing is totally dependent on us believing. God has already provided her healing. It's there - it's our for the taking. And the only thing that's stopping us from getting it is us. It's not God. He's is our healer!!! He just doesn't choose to heal some people depending on his mood. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus healed everyone - and in doing so demonstrated the will of God.
It is all about us believing.
That sits so much better with me than viewing God as someone who heals sometimes. I always knew that there had to be some formula for healing. I just didn't think it would be this simple - just believe!!

How profound - but yet crazy!

Healing is there - just grasp it!

What a journey - there is tons more to say, but my hand is sore typing lol plus it's dead late.

This is such a ramble, but there's way too much rattling round in here that I can't do it justice.