A big 3

Haven't blogged in a while - I've got out of the sync of it and to be honest didn't know what to blog about. Life is crazy and has taken many turns, all of which I could write a book about - but that' for another time.

Today my Lily turned 3! I'm a bit of an old sop when it comes to milestones and looking back at those key moments in life that change you.
I've just come into our bedroom after my usual nighttime routine of checking all is well with the girls. Lily is wrapped up in her new princess duvet and sound asleep.
She really is my princess.
Minnie mouse is in her usual position - tucked tight under the arm with the label sticking out. Rebecca rabbit is the new addition bought today from build-a-bear - a whole 2 hour wait for the princess to get her birthday pressie.

But my big baby sleeps and I realise how 3 years have flown past my eyes. But I look back and realise how much I've grown up. I can remember my first night in hospital with this bundle beside me wondering how the flip I was ever going to manage. It freaked me out how this little life depended so much on me. And now it feels as thought I'm an old hat at it all.

I used to hear people say all the time how kids change you! The very core of my being is still the same of course, but I totally know that something in me has changed.
I've a new appreciation of time - that's for sure lol. It's amazing how much I can do in just 1 hour without the kids.

The girls have definitely brought a whole new meaning to 'love'.
It's definitely true that you experience a whole new side to love when you become a parent.
I had an epiphany of God's love whenever I had Lily, and I'm still overwhelmed at the author of love as I watch Him at work in my family.

No matter what - my girls will always be my girls. There's no changing that. Even though they have their grumpy days, sad days, and days when they spend more time on the naughty step - I love them to bits. It's unconditional!!
My thoughts towards my angels are still only a proportion of what God feels about us. And that is the coolest thing.

I know my love for Lily and Josie - is only a fraction of how much God loves them.

During the summer while on holiday in France, Lily had a bad cough. It was starting to move into her chest and once again I was living with this fear that she was going to get a chest infection and end up in hospital.
I can remember having a little moment with God at around 4am whilst everyone else was sound asleep. I had nipped into Lily's room and started to pray over her. The more I prayed, it seemed she coughed all the more, and the more she coughed the more I got frustrated. A moment came when I cried out to God in anger as I shouted my frustrations at Him. I would rather take that cough that have Lily have to bear it. And in that beautiful moment I heard Him say the same thing.
I can't tell you how much that moved me - to not only know that God would do that, but to know and believe that Jesus actually did it.

I totally get how I would do anything for my kids - literally anything.

And the greatest truth is - it's the same with God. He would do anything for us - in fact He's already done it. It is finished!!!

Grace and Faith

It's been a while since I blogged. Life is busy busy buys at the mo.

I've been studying Grace and Faith recently. My year so far has been a bit crazy, but brilliant all the same. I remember way back at the beginning of the year reading a book about Grace - and it blew my mind. That book really spoke to me, and I was gently reminded that my walk with God should not be based on performance. That he loves me for me - not because of what I do.
The middle of my year has lead to me studying Faith.
It almost seems that there is a bit of a conflict between these 2 things. With faith there is an element of 'us' having to do something.

My blog about belief/unbelief seemed to stir a few waters so to speak. I know some people where concerned that I was putting Lily's healing onto my own shoulders. But I really want to stress that is not what we are doing.

I guess in the church - it's either Grace or Faith at times. It seems that way anyway.

I was reminded when I read Ephesians this morning - "that it's by grace you have been saved through faith....."
Both go hand in hand - you can't have one without the other. It's incorrect to sway to either side.
It's not incorporating the whole truth when we do this.
Grace and Faith - should be a beautiful collision, as Dave Crowder put it.

We believe in the Grace of God, but we appropriate that Grace through Faith. The 2 go hand in hand.

I've more to say about this, but it's really late......

The joys of blogging so close to midnight lol

Jn316

So some of you might know that when Boydo gets something into his head he pretty much does it, no matter how ridiculous it might be.
This has lead to random spontaneous decisions of 'I'm going to America next week' and the best of all his announcements 'I think I want to go to France - I've booked a flight for tomorrow'.
There's no stopping him really. I used to take his little comments with a pinch of salt, but now I proceed with caution.
I dread to think sometimes what he'll come up with next - we watched a movie last night all about vineyards. "Jill, would you kill me if I bought a vineyard?" So watch this space lol.

His most recent, and in fairness harmless mission involved him buying a map of the world. I get a phone call to work with an excited Aaron on the other end declaring he's found the best picture for our bedroom. Knowing that it's highly unlikely my opinion may matter in light of his excitement - we make the decision to go for it.
"It's a pretty big picture - is that cool?"
"Well how big is big?"
"Jill, it's going to look cool...."

So I arrive home from work to find Aaron building a frame that took up our entire living room floor.
This pretty big picture is now taking up the entire wall space on my side of the bed.
Geography was never my strong point - so it's been very educational.

I'm amazed though that at the size of the world. When the word Belfast is actually bigger on the map than Ireland is - you begin to grasp that it is a big place.
We've always talked about changing the world - but when you look at the size of it, it's pretty freaky. Where do you start?

I woke up this morning to Josie climbing on my face and Lily and her cold feet walking over my legs. But when I kicked them out of the room I stood staring at the map again.
John 3v16 came to mind - and I was blown away for a few minutes as I realised that this work of changing the world started years before.
And it started with love.

God loves the whole world.... every bit of it. The bits we don't like, the people who crack us up, the people who hate us, love us.... whatever! He loves it all.

I don't know about you, but I find it hard enough sometimes to love everyone in 'my little world' - so the truth about God's love, neverending, unchanging, unconditional means the world to a broken world.

I want with all my heart to love like that - but I know that that kind of love only comes from Love himself - God!!!

GOD IS LOVE

Unbelief

I've had such a growth spurt in the last 2 months. It's taken a while but I've had a complete revelation on healing, Lily, life, faith, belief, gospel - my world and thoughts have dramatically changed.

I know I haven't blogged in a while - I guess I just didn't know how to formulate into words what's racing round in my brain. But I'm going to give it a shot now.
Some of you might call me crazy - might even call the men in white coats - but hey - I'm living the dream.

I've been looking back over the last 2 years and trying to figure out this whole Lily and cystic fibrosis saga. I know now what my coping mechanism was. It was to ignore it. I didn't go crazy, I didn't get hysterical - I simply chose to ignore it. We prayed for healing - it didn't happen, and I know that I stopped asking. There was something in me that didn't want this affecting my view of who God was and is. He is our healer - but hadn't healed Lily. You can do a few things with that, throw the head up with God, crawl into a hole, be hysterical and overwhelmed - or just refuse to let anything bother you. If she's healed, great, if she's not great.
I stopped worrying about it - knowing that yes God was in control, but I didn't want the questions of 'why isn't this healing happening' getting in the way.

I've been so apathetic with this! My daughter with her life threatening condition - and I'd just accepted it. She looks good and to be honest we'd got so used to 'managing' it, that it was second nature.
Josies arrival has definitely made a difference. I've a completely healthy girl there - and if this did anything, it highlighted how much we actually have to do with Lily.
A few visits to CF websites had me totally scared that I would outlive my daughter and the harsh reality sunk in that this was serious. The drugs where masking it and doing a great job - but this needs to be dealt with. I don't want it anymore.

This has lead to me chasing after healing. I've been reading like there's no tomorrow and in many ways it's been sprinting after it.
The biggest revelation I guess I've had is that God did not make Lily sick. We're not a special couple who have been blessed with a sick child. God indirectly will teach us something because of this but did not cause it to teach us something - and the big part - God definitely wants Lily well.

I know this sounds really basic - but Jesus bore our sin and sickness on the cross. We have no doubt whatsoever in believing that our sins are gone, but our sickness??? Why do we find it so hard to believe.
The sin part is easy - or is it? We can't see if it's been dealt with. We have no way of proving it. But yet for many of us - we totally believe that Jesus has dealt with it. Our sickness on the other hand is a totally different story. This is the part that involves a physical sign.

Believe and you will receive..... what a simple phrase, but yet it's so flippin hard.

Lily's healing is totally dependent on us believing. God has already provided her healing. It's there - it's our for the taking. And the only thing that's stopping us from getting it is us. It's not God. He's is our healer!!! He just doesn't choose to heal some people depending on his mood. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus healed everyone - and in doing so demonstrated the will of God.
It is all about us believing.
That sits so much better with me than viewing God as someone who heals sometimes. I always knew that there had to be some formula for healing. I just didn't think it would be this simple - just believe!!

How profound - but yet crazy!

Healing is there - just grasp it!

What a journey - there is tons more to say, but my hand is sore typing lol plus it's dead late.

This is such a ramble, but there's way too much rattling round in here that I can't do it justice.

Your fame, Your renown

"Your fame, your renown" has become a little catchphrase that's been rattling around my significant other ever since his return from the Passion regional in LA.

I've become fascinated recently with that movement and I find it so exciting to see something come out of people getting together and not just worshipping God, but serving as well. As far as I know at each regional event this year, they've collected towels and socks for to give out to........( mmm I don't actually know who), but they're giving them away to people who I guess need towels and socks.
These students have been giving their ever so precious pennies to help build wells in Africa.

I know the socks and towel thing is random, and I must actually find out what they did with them, but it's the whole fact that they're doing something.
Spending time in the presence of God should really birth mission of some size. Too often I think we all come together in our separate Christian bubbles - (heavens forbid we could all agree to be in the same bubble - but that's another rant for another time) - and do the lovely thing we call church and go home feeling good about ourselves.

I love seeing people just doing stuff for the kingdom. It's inspiring in every way.

We where talking in cell the other night about how we reach our communities. Of course all the right answers of serving, helping, praying etc all came out - but then Toogood threw the spanner that the greatest thing we can ever do for our neighbours is to tell them the good news of Jesus (as cheesy as that sounds). But he's right. Doing all the good acts of serving is great and it builds in relationship to tell people about God.
I'm thinking though that we are in danger of missing the purpose of the serving and chicken out of the telling....... kinda like show and tell..... we need to do both. We can serve and do good things all day long but all that makes us is good people. It's only when we bring God into it do we become good servants of the King and that's what makes the difference.

There's the 2 extremes I guess - the street preaching yelling the tell bit and then the being in the world lot of us who try to make Jesus known through our actions.
The 2 really need to go together. Well that's what I think anyway!!

Graceful Performance.....

At age 18 GRACE became a word that totally revolutionized by life, and my relationship with God reached a whole other level.

It's the 19th January 2008, I'm now 26 and I'm sitting in bed reading Grace: The Power of the Gospel by Andrew Wommack. Once again I sit totally in awe of this amazing free gift.
I've just realised how this one small word is the biggest part of my relationship with God. I'm now wondering what I've been doing in the last 8 years, because somewhere down the line I'd forgotten this.

Grace amazed me in my late teens and all I wanted to do was live for God who gave me this wonderful free gift. Serving Him was amazing. In the years of all the serving (and I only know this now looking back) I've slipped into my old thinking of trying to please God through my serving.
I know that it pleases Him, but it doesn't put me any more in rightstanding with Him. He loves me. God loves Jill Boyd. Jesus died for Jill Boyd. And the Holy Spirit living in Jill Boyd has gently showed me once again that Godly truth, that He loves me no matter what.

The performance doesn't matter to Him.
But it matters to me. A performance this time, not to earn any more approval (theres no more to earn). But a performance of sheer gratitude out of a heart that's bursting with joy, knowing that if she messes up the performance, it doesn't matter anyway.
The cross finished it.
Jesus paid it all.

Could someone pass the tissues???

Ok - I've found the first book that's ever made me cry. It's an historical moment.

I know people recommend books all the time including me, but this book is a must read. It's so flippin amazing! This is the long awaited second book by Wendy Alec - so you have to read the first one as well, which is as equally amazing.

I love Jesus a whole lot more after reading 2 of the most amazing chapters last night in bed. He truly is amazing!

Read your bible, pray every day if you want to grow

Every turn of the year I always try to make a goal for that year - I hate the term new years resolution. It reminds me of things that I've not achieved and given up on with the rest of the world. I know that changing the phrase doesn't do anything but I'm setting goals, not resolutions this year anyway.

But I always set out the 'goal' to read more. I love to read - but time just doesn't allow it these days. The one thing I'm eager to do is not to allow the ordinary books of life take the place of the best book ever - the bible in case you're wondering.
I know that definitely in my life - I've often replaced the reading of THE Holy book with books about the Holy book. How easy is that to do? (or am I the only one)

I can't remember who it was that told me there goal of reading the bible twice a year and the changing their translation ever 2 years. But I think it's a good goal to aim towards. I always say I'm going to read the word cover to cover in the year - but never do. Chronicles kills me lol.

I bought Paul Reids Life Jouranl (advertising lol) from church a few months back when it went on sale, but couldn't cope with starting the reading plan at the end of the year - poor excuse I know.
But I'm amazed to realise that you only need to read 3.25 chapters of the bible a day to do it in a year! I totally thought it was more than that. But it seems totally doable whenever I think about how many chapters of a good novel I read at night.

So I"m going to read 3 chapters of the NT daily and 4 chapters of the OT daily. You can ask me how that's going at any point - or better still join me.

This year is the year of more - more reading the Words of Life!